By ML Hilton
There have been some very entertaining posts on the Napa edition of Nextdoor recently. In addition to all the new sightings of wild life in our little ‘burbs – not just coyotes, bobcats, raccoon, and deer; but mountain lions and bears (oh my!!) – a number of what we would consider regular urban beasts are going all “Animal House” on us.
A recent post asked Napa neighbors how to handle aggressive squirrels.
Squirrels? Aggressive? Apparently, there’s a growing group of fuzzy little cuties who are just a little pissed off and not afraid to throw down some animal smack on their human neighbors.
As most threads start, this one was a seemingly innocent question: what do you do with squirrels that are acting aggressively? In this case, trying to break into the kitchen with the goal of running off the human inhabitants.
The squirrel family had moved into the attic and now was not happy with their downstairs neighbors. Just like on Court TV, this neighborhood conflict was getting a touch out of hand.
Comments ranged from opining that some squirrely domain protection was going on, to poo-pooing the possibility of a real threat. Of course, there were those who suggested violent, and not so violent, removal of the miscreants, and others who just wanted the pros called in.
Amidst all this there were however, several, who had tales (tails?) of run-ins with squirrels gone nuts.
Over by Vintage High School, one woman was assaulted by a local squirrel that launched itself onto her head when she stopped to admire its furry cuteness.
“I got attacked this summer by a squirrel. He was up in our tree. I walked by, looked at him, and thought how sweet he was. I said, “hello my squirrel” to him and he jumped from the tree onto my head. I pushed him off my head, only to have him claw my arm on the way down.
He then proceeded to chase me into the house. So glad I had a bag in my hand to defend myself. This guy was mean.
I ended up at the emergency clinic to get a tetanus shot and be treated for the deep scratches on my arm.”
After reading this account, I almost couldn’t stop myself looking up into trees and wondering if I compliment a squirrel will he/she go all critter crazy on me?
Less of a stretch, but no less entertaining was the story of the woman ISO of a rooster whisperer.
“I am in desperate need of a rooster whisperer, cock wrangler, chicken trainer, someone to tame a wild rogue rooster who has decided my house is home. One of our neighbors dispersed their chickens, leaving them wandering, rogue and wild. I felt bad for them so I started feeding the trespassing colonists,” she said.
Gaining courage from all the good free food, “the big rooster attacked my boyfriend, ripping up his leg when he walked out of the front door, because apparently the human was trespassing in their chicken camp territory. I, of course, thought it was hilarious that he was attacked by the big cock on the porch – this big hunting man and this little fluffy non-flying, harmless, egg-making bird – leaving the fierce hunter coming away with the bruises. Little did I know I would soon come to regret my laughter.”
Dubbed Sir Cock Squat the feathered devil then committed itself to stalking the human inhabitants of the ranch at every turn. Forcing the adults to leave rakes, oars, bats, and sticks at every available nook. Defending themselves became part of the daily chores.
More 200 comments followed this thread, mostly to applaud the hysterical writing and some to commiserate over the bellicose nature of roosters.
Ultimately, at the end of the threads, we are left unsure what happened with the squirrels and chicken. One must assume they have been relocated to habitats that aren’t as stressful – on human and pest.